Trust

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By far the best endorsement for any company or product is a recommendation from a trusted friend. Or a trusted source. Why did you buy that book? A friend said I’d enjoy it. Why did you go and see that movie? Rotten Tomatoes said it was good. (I’m not endorsing Rotten Tomatoes as a reliable or unreliable source. it’s just an example).

It can also be the most damning. To quote myself, “Don’t use them. They are the most inefficient company I have ever had the misfortune to deal with”. I would name them here but not sure on the legality. But I have told everyone I know considering using them to steer clear. Don’t touch them with a barge pole. They have lost around £6000 of business from me! I mean here’s a quote from them after I enquired why a letter had yet to be sent, “The letter I will be sending you is on my desk and I will attempt to post it today” What do you mean “attempt”? How many times have you failed to post a letter? I don’t mean to brag but I have a 100% success record in all attempts to post letters that have been written.

Sorry. Back to trust. It is important Trust is at the core of every type of human transaction, whether it’s in business, family matters, or with a romantic partner. If you want to get hired, you need to inspire trust. If you want to make a sale, the prospect has to trust you. To get anyone to listen to your message, they have to feel that you’re on their side and won’t double-cross them.

I could write a whole book about trust so here I’ll just focus on the most important aspect. First impressions… before you even open your mouth

You gotta make a good first impression. Before you even say anything, be conscious of your body language. In fact get this right and what you say doesn’t even come a close second.

                Smile. With your eyes, with your whole heart. Give whoever you are talking to a “don’t worry, your safe with me” genuine smile. Pretend it’s a long lost friend who you haven’t seen in years, or a celebrity you have long admired.  The key here is being genuine. Fake it and it stands out like a beacon.

                The handshake. A strong, firm handshake is absolutely essential no matter what your gender. It helps to say your name as you shake hands. Studies have shown that people are more likely to remember your name this way. But don’t use this just as a greeting. Use it to end the conversation too. Handshakes make your encounter more memorable.

                Eye contact. Always look the other person in the eye for about a second while handshaking and smiling.  This small gesture will add to your already impressive charisma. This is also important when in conversation. Look at the speaker and make eye contact with them.

                Maintain eye contact.  Usually people will keep eye contact for around 30 – 60 percent of the time. This is not enough. Try to go for a little more than 60 percent. This shows genuine interest in what the speaker is saying. Don’t go for 100 percent otherwise the speaker will think you’re a weirdo. Did I need to say that?

                Mirror the speaker’s sentiments. This means, show the speaker you are listening. Nod your head, smile at their jokes. It tells the speaker, “I’m listening and am interested what you are saying” When people feel this they will automatically like you and therefore a trusting relationship will blossom!

 When you practice and become natural at using all of these body language cues, you will give people reassurance and win their trust. They will view you as a genuine person who is sincerely interested in them. By mastering these simple gestures, you will possess the ability to make allies and be more influential among them.

Dare to believe…

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Do you believe in yourself. Do you? Totally and utterly and with complete conviction do you believe you can change the ******* world? ‘Cause you should and you can. But only if you truly believe in the unique and powerful ability that only you possess. Everyone has a unique ability that can influence the world. I guarantee it.

But it’s not easy. To harness this belief and make things happen you have to step out of your comfort zone. Which is scary (I know I’ve done it!). The first thing that you need is to honestly think you can do whatever you want. Nothing is out of reach. As Henry Ford famously said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right”

Believe it or not I used to suffer from no self-belief.  I used to question myself and my abilities.

Not anymore.

Here are a few things to remember that will help:

  • Be Resilient. It’s ok to mess up. More than once. You need to realise you are not defined by the foul ups you make. You get up, get over it, do it again. And again, And again. Stepping out of your comfort zone. Again. Each time it becomes a little easier. Do it so much it becomes second nature. Revel in the new challenge. Don’t be afraid of messing something up. Because you will (everyone does) the trick is to get up. Brush yourself down. And then do it again. Be strong!
  • Be Optimistic. The power of positive thinking cannot be under estimated. Visualise. See yourself succeeding. See yourself accepting that Oscar. Getting the pay rise. Nailing the deal.  Expect to succeed. Why shouldn’t you? Look for the positives in every situation (there is always something). It’s not failure. It’s a learning experience. Remember this exchange between a reporter and Thomas Edison:  “ Isn’t it a shame that with the tremendous amount of work you have done you haven’t been able to get any results?” Edison turned replied in a flash: “Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results! I know several thousand things that won’t work.”
  • Be Prepared. Give yourself an advantage. If you’ve got a big presentation to make it helps if you know what you’re going to say! Prepare. Practice. Refine. Practice. Knowing what you are going to say will decrease your anxiety. You know it will be the best you can do. No one can ask for more. I have spent an entire day preparing for a 5 minute pitch. I got the contract!. Because I was totally prepared and knew the presentation to the very last detail.
  • Be a Risk Taker. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Be strong. Take a ******* risk. When you lack confidence you will stay with the familiar. In other words your situation will not change. Real confidence-boosting power comes from tackling something new. You may not succeed right away, but when you do, the experience is liberating. Don’t fail to do something because you think you might fail.
  • Go and do some exercise. It’s true. Getting the heart going. It can help increase your confidence level by helping to distract your thoughts and get your brain working on other puzzles and challenges, too. Before a big moment, like asking the girl from accounts on a date, take a walk around the block. You’ll feel calmed and most probably will think of some new ideas to impress!

It doesn’t happen overnight. But these few tips will set you on the way!