What schools should teach

I was at a networking event recently and I was chatting to a very successful businesswoman who told me, in no uncertain terms, that the worst thing you could ever do to a child was to send them to school. “Why?” I asked intrigued. “Because all a school does is to teach you to conform. To obey the rules. Not to question things. It prepares you for a life living on someone else’s terms. To not think for yourself”.  I found myself nodding my head.

It got me thinking: There’s a load of other stuff schools should concentrate on too. It would make for much happier life:

Mistakes and failures are ok. It is ok to try something and fail. Schools teach that failing is bad so people learn not to try things for fear of failure. What if you tried something and failed? People might laugh at you. Ridicule you. Best not try it.

NO! Try everything. At least once. You will fail. Probably more than once. But you will get better, more experienced. More resilient. Stronger. Success in life comes from not giving up despite mistakes and failures. (Are they really failures?)

Reconnect with the child in you. Learning to walk, ride a bicycle involved a lot of trying and failing. But you didn’t give up then did you? You kept trying. Why not now?

Don’t compare yourself to others. Why does everyone do this? It can only make you feel less content. You loved your new car until someone turned up in an even later model. What’s wrong with the car now?  Comparing yourself against others will make you miserable.

The best thing is to compare is yourself. What you have accomplished? How far have you come? What you have learnt? Trust me. This works wonders. An inner calm will settle over you.

Most of what you fear will happen never really come into reality.  So quit worrying! The fear you feel is a big fake phoney manifesting itself in your mind. It probably won’t be as bad as you think it is. What were you worrying about last year? Was it, really and honestly, as bad as you thought?

There are opportunities in just about every experience. In almost every part of life there is something you can learn from. To grow from. Negative experiences, failures, mistakes can often be better teachers than success.  It will teach you something new. Something that you would have missed if success had come first time.

Whenever you have a “negative experience” ask yourself: where is the opportunity in this? What is good about this situation?

Your attitude changes your reality. What you expect to happen often does. A negative attitude often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. A negative attitude and you will see all the negatives. Opportunities will be missed. By adopting a positive attitude you will see things from a different perspective. This often leads to success in life. 

I think the quote below is quite a neat philosophy. So much is about attitude. It really is.

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”       Marcus Aurelius

This is what should be taught.

Dare to believe…

Do you believe in yourself. Do you? Totally and utterly and with complete conviction do you believe you can change the ******* world? ‘Cause you should and you can. But only if you truly believe in the unique and powerful ability that only you possess. Everyone has a unique ability that can influence the world. I guarantee it.

But it’s not easy. To harness this belief and make things happen you have to step out of your comfort zone. Which is scary (I know I’ve done it!). The first thing that you need is to honestly think you can do whatever you want. Nothing is out of reach. As Henry Ford famously said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right”

Believe it or not I used to suffer from no self-belief.  I used to question myself and my abilities.

Not anymore.

Here are a few things to remember that will help:

  • Be Resilient. It’s ok to mess up. More than once. You need to realise you are not defined by the foul ups you make. You get up, get over it, do it again. And again, And again. Stepping out of your comfort zone. Again. Each time it becomes a little easier. Do it so much it becomes second nature. Revel in the new challenge. Don’t be afraid of messing something up. Because you will (everyone does) the trick is to get up. Brush yourself down. And then do it again. Be strong!
  • Be Optimistic. The power of positive thinking cannot be under estimated. Visualise. See yourself succeeding. See yourself accepting that Oscar. Getting the pay rise. Nailing the deal.  Expect to succeed. Why shouldn’t you? Look for the positives in every situation (there is always something). It’s not failure. It’s a learning experience. Remember this exchange between a reporter and Thomas Edison:  “ Isn’t it a shame that with the tremendous amount of work you have done you haven’t been able to get any results?” Edison turned replied in a flash: “Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results! I know several thousand things that won’t work.”
  • Be Prepared. Give yourself an advantage. If you’ve got a big presentation to make it helps if you know what you’re going to say! Prepare. Practice. Refine. Practice. Knowing what you are going to say will decrease your anxiety. You know it will be the best you can do. No one can ask for more. I have spent an entire day preparing for a 5 minute pitch. I got the contract!. Because I was totally prepared and knew the presentation to the very last detail.
  • Be a Risk Taker. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Be strong. Take a ******* risk. When you lack confidence you will stay with the familiar. In other words your situation will not change. Real confidence-boosting power comes from tackling something new. You may not succeed right away, but when you do, the experience is liberating. Don’t fail to do something because you think you might fail.
  • Go and do some exercise. It’s true. Getting the heart going. It can help increase your confidence level by helping to distract your thoughts and get your brain working on other puzzles and challenges, too. Before a big moment, like asking the girl from accounts on a date, take a walk around the block. You’ll feel calmed and most probably will think of some new ideas to impress!

It doesn’t happen overnight. But these few tips will set you on the way!