.Have you ever seen babies dancing? If you haven’t, YouTube it.  What do you see? You see babies dancing the only way they know ho. To the beat of their hearts. Bodies set free by the beat of the music. Unashamed and having great fun.

There’s no posing, shuffling of feet apologising for their slightly less than professional dance moves. Souls that don’t yet know enough to be self-conscious. Souls that haven’t learned to fear judgement.

Then tragedy strikes

At some point we become ashamed of the nakedness of our souls and so we start to cover them up. We become afraid of judgment. Of talking behind our back. Whispered conversation, furtive sniggers.

At some point we lose the ability to be free in ourselves. The fear of being judged, unliked, unwanted or unworthy becomes too great to overcome.

We learn the rues of social engagement. We start to accept judgement from others. Negative judgement needs to be avoided at all costs. Better to be invisible than judged badly.  You start say “no” when you wanted to scream yes. For fear of being looked at as a mad person/ an idiot/ silly etc.

You are hiding who you are to avoid embarrassment.

But like most people you want to be able to walk around without the fear of people watching you, judging. You want to “not care” what others think. But it’s too damned hard.

Perhaps it’s your DNA. Maybe you’re just not the kind of person who can be brave enough to let all this baggage go.

Truth.

You don’t need to be exceptionally brave and courageous. You just need to make a few small changes in how you see the world and how you interact with others in it.

Stop enabling the fear of judgement living inside of you. NOW.

In a few simple steps!

Judgements Say more about the Judge than What’s Being Judged.

Much as you might think it, it’s NOT about you. It’s NEVER about you. EVER. Whatever judgment is being passed on you, whatever the remark has NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with the persons opinion of what you should be like.

For example.  Think of the craziest most out there time of clothing you have ever seen. You know, the type of item that has you thinking WTF was wrong with the designer. What kind of idiot would event dream of buying that?!  But equally there will be others who will think it’s the best thing ever. A fashion revolution. A must buy.

Your judgement has NOTHING to with them and EVERYTHING about to do with how you think that person should be dressed. You might not know what they should be wearing but you know what they shouldn’t be wearing…don’t you?

This is exactly what happens when others judge you

When you succumb to judgement you’re saying that the judge’s opinion of you has more value than who you are as an individual. That is not a healthy message to be sending to your subconscious and self-esteem.

Be less judgemental yourself… It will free you from being judged

Every time you judge someone else you perpetuate the cycle of judgement. If you are judging someone you can only expect they will be judging you as well. If you judge their clothes they’ be judging yours.

But consider this.  Do you judge others on whether they are left or right handed? I’m going to assume you don’t.

And think about this. Have you ever worried that someone will judge you on hand preference? No?

You’re only afraid of being judged on the things you are judging other people on.

The less you judge others the less you will expect to be judged by others and the fear you feel will disappear. You will be free form that shit!

But don’t think this means you are free from judging morally!

Stealing is still wrong. You can judge that.  Abstaining from judging a person personality or beliefs will lead you to peace.  Refraining from judging morals is wrong. You will be wimping out.

You’re not a wimp. So keep those morals. Don’t go out and steal something and then refrain from judging yourself! You would be wrong!

Replace Judgement with Curiosity

So you’re going to stop judging people. Good for you. But that is a hell of a lot easier said than done. What are going to do if you see something out of the ordinary? Run away screaming for fear of making a judgment before you could stop yourself. Hide? Berate yourself for judging?  A habit of a lifetime.

No.

You need to replace this habit with another one. A better one? How about curiosity?  This Allow acceptance rather than rejection and it will allow you to truly be yourself. The real you.  Make this the new habit.

The next time you see someone strolling down the street with a baboon perched on their head don’t stop thinking “that’ strange” but marvel at the new experience and how weird that was for you to see! Be curios. Think about the reason this person was doing such a thing. Enjoy the moment.

Give space to other’s to be who they are, and you will receive ample space in return.

Now get out there and dance!

Does your desk ever feel like it looks like this?

Could it be you need to get shit done? Of course you do. But stuff gets in the way. Sometimes 24 hours just isn’t enough. And it’s not just work. You want to do stuff outside of work. You want to start that new exercise regime. Learn a new language. Impress people by answering a question on University Challenge.  

In short want to get things done. Accomplished. Completed.

Have a go at these and have time to gossip at the water cooler.

Learn to say NO! Knowing when to say no and actually saying no are two different things.  When you know something isn’t important or will disrupt you unreasonably you need to be able to stand up and say no. Don’t be afraid to do so.

Take the train. Or the bus. Ditch the car. Relax and get things done on your daily commute. You can get a head start on your emails, make a to do list. Or even do some actual work!

Listen to educational podcasts while you commute. Or learn a new language. Enhance your skills set through your headphones! 30 minutes of the day in a couple of moths it is amazing what you can learn. Trust me.

4.       Work from home.  Like me. Work out what tasks can be done from home and convince your boss that this is where you will get most done. You will free from the distraction of co-workers, meetings, long lunches, commutes, the list goes on. And if your boss doesn’t trust you or is convinced then he’s a w*****.  A boss needs to be able to trust jhis team.

5.       Prioritize effectively. What’s most important? Do that first.

6.       Make time to exercise. Release those endorphins! They are great for the mind! Exercise will help you to focus when you need to. Plus you’ll develop that six pack that you’ve been hiding all these years.

7.       Create rock solid deadlines. Nothing will spur you into action more than a seemingly insurmountable challenge, and an ever-advancing date in the calendar when it all has to be completed. How else do you think I manage to write an article every week?!

8.       Sleep early. You cannot work effectively if you’re tired.  Go to bed a a normal time. You may stop needing that alarm clock!

9.       Experiment with a change of location. Working in the same place day after day, moth after moth can erode you productivity See if you can mix it up. I often write this blog on my laptop in another place. The pub (not a good example, but lovely warm fire). A café. The library. My garden (in the summer).  See if your boss will let you out for an hour for a team meeting somewhere other than the office. And if you’re the boss suggest it! Perhaps here:

10.   Get a life outside of work. The brain craves variety.  When work is over it is over. Turn off. De stress. No don’t go home and login to the Internet. Take up a hobby or a sport.  Fed your brain. Enjoy your free time

11.   The Two Minute Rule. If something can be done in two minutes do it NOW. If not leave for an appropriate time slot.

12.   Establish an ending time to your work day. Not only will you strive to complete all your tasks before the work day ends it also gives you a certain time you can relax and end the day. When the day ends forget the job…you are not being paid to worry about it in your own time!

13.   Carry a random report. You didn’t learn this here:  If you work in an office, carry around random, important-looking bits of paper. And walk with the hustle of a Very Busy Person. Not only will people start to think of you as a big player they will also be much less likely to hassle you or ask for an impromptu meeting. Allowing you to concentrate on the important stuff.  This works.

14.   OHIO. Only handle it once. If you receive an email and can reply to it quickly, reply right away. Reason being, if you leave it until later, the time spent replying plus the time spent remembering over and over that you need to reply ends up being much more than if you just replied to the email right away.

15.   Learn how to create tasks. “Take over the world” isn’t a task. It’s a goal. With many tasks associated with it. Separate goals in to smaller, manageable and clear tasks.

 Good luck!