Monthly Archives: September 2013

Happiness is not a cigar called Hamlet

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Everyone wants to be happy don’t they? Just to be able to shut the fuck up and be content. Smiling even. Like you’ve been awake all night and it wasn’t insomnia. ; )

So, why the hell do we seem to want to sabotage it all the time?

Below is what you should STOP doing. It will make a lot of difference.

Blaming

People make mistakes. Deal with it. Colleagues don’t meet your expectations, the water tank is empty and no one has put a new one in, vendors have sent you the wrong product.  Do you blame them for all your problems. “If they did this my life would be so much easier”. But maybe take a look at yourself…perhaps you weren’t clear enough, perhaps you expect too much? Take responsibility for your own life. It’s up to you to make it work. Not others.

Impressing

No one likes you for the clothes you wear. Or the car you drive.  Or whether you own the latest mobile. These are just things (you know this don’t you?). They may like what you have, but it’s not you. These are not real friendships. So stop trying to impress everyone. Be yourself.  Then you’ll build real relationships. The ones that mean something to you. The ones that make you happy.

Avoiding change

Embrace change. It’s the only way. You may feel afraid or insecure of the unknown so you avoid change. Stay the same. This is not making you happy. You are just avoiding fear and insecurity. That is not happiness.  Go for something different. Strive for it. Triumph over it. Let go and reach for the stars.  There is no better feeling than accomplishing something you never thought you could do.

Not Listening

Often in a conversation people aren’t really listening to what others are saying. They are thinking of what they want to say next. Sometimes they’ll say something not even connected to what the conversation is about! Try listening to someone next time.  Really listening. Show your interest. Ask questions to make sure you understand what they are saying. Trust me. They’ll love you for it.  And you can swell with happiness knowing that everyone loves you. You may even learn something new!

Whining

Just shut up. Whining about you problems just makes you feel worse. It’s not changing anything is it? Put this energy into fixing the problem, making the situation better. NOW.  Don’t talk about what’s wrong. Talks about what’s good. words have power. Positive words will lift your spirits. Even if you’re talking to yourself.

Criticizing

Ok, so you know you could do a better job with your eyes closed. You could probably do a better job with your eyes closed and your hands tied behind you back. But have some f****** respect. Someone has spent time putting this project together. They have tried their best. (I mean they’re not gonna do it badly on purpose are they). So be constructive. Criticizing only make you and everyone else around you pissed off. So what the point? Share that fountain of knowledge you possess.  And don’t….

Preach

You think you know better. Your view is the best view and you’re not afraid to tell everyone about it. Truth: You’re probably wrong. Other people have different, but equally valid ideas.  Do this often enough and people will switch off whenever you speak. Who wants another lecture? Or be told why you know the answer.  This can only result is a reduction of your happiness.

Dwelling on past failings

The past has gone. Forever. It won’t change. It doesn’t help.  Learn from it and move on. The past is just training for the future. IT DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. So stop fretting about what happened. Become stronger for it instead.

Fearing

Quit what iffing. You know. What if this happens?  What if that doesn’t work? What if it’s not the right time? Meanwhile days, weeks, moths, even years slip by. Along with your hopes, dreams and desires.  DON’T LET YOU FEAR HOLD YOU BACK. Whatever you have been planning, whatever you dreams are. Act on them today. Take that first step. Don’t let fear rule you and stop you doing what you really want to do. Fulfill your dreams. Even if it’s a small step. Take action. Today. NOW. Because once today has gone. That’s it. It’s not coming back. By tomorrow it’s gone forever.

Basically, what I’m saying is, cut the crap, take action and live your life on your own terms.

Become a sex magnet and other benefits from having confidence

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It’s a well-known fact that a confident person is more attractive to the opposite sex. Said with the right air and confidence “Get your coat, you’ve pulled” does work.

But there are other benefits of having self-confidence:

  •   Health. Studies have shown that positive self-esteem and confidence are indicators of good mental health. And this starts in childhood! Children growing up with confidence in their own abilities tend to do better in school, take better care of themselves than their peers with low self-confidence levels, and excel in sports and socialization. This trend continues into adulthood.  So give a little praise for f****s sake.
  •  Happiness. It is proven fact that people with healthy self-confidence are generally happier and more satisfied with their lives than people who lack self-confidence. This could be because they feel more able to cope with the stresses of life and can take on the world with more energy and enthusiasm.  This in turn leads to more success and satisfaction. A positive attitude results from feeling good about yourself and knowing that your place in the world is important and meaningful.
  •   Increased Performance. Self-confident people don’t allow obstacles to tops them. Or even slow them down. They embrace them, tackle them, sure in their own abilities to come out on top. It is no coincidence that top athletes, entrepreneurs, public speakers, actors etc. all have an abundance of self-confidence.  Had they not they will not have the confidence to trust their own abilities.
  • Social Ease. People who are self-confident are more relaxed in social settings and when meeting new people. Because their belief in themselves is internal and not reliant on the judgment of others, they can freely move about without fear of rejection.  They tend to have a more positive, energetic attitude to the future and people often gravitate towards them.

But…how do you become self-confident? 

Here are six tips:

  • Take credit for good work you’ve done. Don’t be embarrassed or say things like “it’s nothing really”. NO! BE PROUD. ”yeah I did that” no one else. I am actually very talented at writing, talking, telling jokes, eating a vindaloo in 5 seconds flat. Take your pick. It’s a talent that makes you a truly great person. Don’t hide it..
  • Stop trying to please everyone. It’s ok to say no. In fact you can shout it if you want to. NO!…Thank you. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a strong person. The most important person to please is you. Put yourself first sometimes. Give yourself the last Rollo. You deserve it.
  • Don’t beat yourself up over past mistakes/ regrets. It’s past. It’s over.  Thank God it’s finished. I won’t do that again. So you will become a better person. You have learnt. No one is perfect. And I bet a lot of people have done worse. Forget about it. Move on.
  • True friends support each other. Look at your social circle. Is it full of negativity? You need to break free of the nay Sayers. Find a positive circle that you believe in and in turn they will believe in you and you will believe in yourself. Cut the negativity out of your life. Harsh but necessary. It’s your life. Enjoy it.
  • Take a risk/ challenge. Do something little out of the ordinary each day. Say hello to a stranger. Enrol in a sponsored parachute jump. Start and an evening class. All these little things, perhaps slightly out of you comfort zone will increase you confidence immensely.
  • Work on it. Self-confidence does not necessarily come over night. It can take time. DON’T lose heart. Work on it, it’s like a muscle. It needs bulking up.  Push your boundaries a little each day and it will become a natural, habit. Self-confidence will soon be oozing through your pores

And remember. You are the best person to listen to. Trust you guts. You know what’s right for you. No one else knows you as well as yourself. People may think you’re mad. But it is your choice. Not theirs. You are living your own life not someone else’s.